Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Pee-ers Progress

So it turns out this potty trainer has outsmarted me a bit. I fully admit I do not have a penis, SURPRISE!, and I do not know how the urination process works for gentlemen. I am learning. By the time this baby is ready to be trained,I think I will have it down.

Day one we were 50/50. But I learned on this day that Ethan cannot have anything on down there. There can be no sensation of something covering the little wee wee. This reminds him of a diaper, apparently, and he just feels free to go. So Toy Story pack of undies, yeah we went through them in about 2 hours.

Also it turns out that there needs to be some tucking and direction involved. I also learned this the hard way. Standing in front of him coaching him on, yeah not so much. I think I went through 4 shirts on the first day. Apparently the force the urine produces is similar to a super soaker, who knew?

So with that day coming to a close, we have the sensation issue nipped in the bud, as well the tuck and point down. Ethan will go bottomless for a bit, and I will stay out of the way once I am certain he has gotten it all squared away.

Day 2 we head to Walmart in search of a potty with some sort of deflector. Because apparently little boys training have no idea when they are done and they will say they are done and open to release the tuck, soaking anything in the way. We come home with a Lightening McQueen cushioned potty chair that sits on the big potty with a deflector. This is solving two problems because now he will not have the red rings on this rear end from sitting on a plastic chair, and he will also not be concerned about falling into the bigger toilet and can focus on the task at hand.

On this day we are doing well. But then I start to think that this once Super Pooper, with an average of 3 times a day, has not relieved himself in two. Problem. So during nap, we strap on the diaper, because I am not about to clean sheets, air out mattresses, so on and so forth. I am not ready for that stage yet. When he wakes up from nap I give him some privacy, watch him sneak into his room to find a dark corner. I ask him if he has to go poopy and that we could try the potty and get a big prize, he turns down the offer. But he pooped. He was upset about it, but I am certain his belly felt better. When it comes to the beginning stages of potty training, I am all about getting the pee under control first. Everyone has their own style. But I am not about to use a suppository, enema, prune juice, stool softener, etc... because the child has not gone in a week. This experience would horrify the child and I have set myself back about a year in the toileting process. Pooping is apparently a control issue with my children, and on day 2 of training, they aren't going to give it up to me. 'You can make me pee lady, and I will take the peanut butter cup, but if you think I am dropping the deuce for you this easily, you have got another thing coming to you.'

Day 3. I am at work all day. Andy promptly puts on the undies. He learned the sensation lesson real quick. I tell Andy he is going to have to poop and it is going to be a project, give him his space, an opportunity to drop his kids of at the pool. 10 minutes later, phone call, 'he pooped in his pants, and I am mad.' Now I do not have the patience of a saint. But when it comes to potty training, I sympathize for some reason. I do not remember myself being potty trained, but perhaps my subconscious does, and it must have taken me some time. So I am all about going up the potty training mountain with an easy does it mentality. You push, we fall, and we have to start all over again. Andy is the, 'now we decided we are going to use the potty, so use it,' type of person. Perhaps that is why I am a push over and he is not. But you know, we give and take here. I will get it, some day. But probably not with potty training. But as the day went on, there was progress.

I also worked Sunday evening, and the boys must have spent some time together going over the basics. Like a little class, 'Peeing with a Penis 101.' For when we went to attempt the potty that morning, Ethan and I, he promptly corrected me. 'Mommy don't touch, I point it down with my fingers like Daddy does, see!?!?' When he was done, he then says to me, 'and then I shake it.' This was similar to a hose that was just on being shook, but I got the idea. This was man's work, I just watch in the wings in case I am needed, and hand over the candy.

We talked a bit yesterday about pooping and how Kendall got a big prize for going poopy on the potty lots of times. Kendall was involved in the pep talk, 'yeah E, I picked out the Mulan movie, Molly and Brynnie got me the Mulan doll, we got lots of candy.' I said 'yes, now see you can pick out a big prize for your box too. ' I asked him what he would want, he said, 'me not sure.' Kendall not missing a beat says, 'well E, how about like RC, or a movie, or something, or like a trip to Disney World.' Whoa, hold your horses sister. We are talking pooping on the potty, not scoring a 1600 on the SATS at age 3. I quickly tell her that she needs to stick with the RC, and movie suggestions.

Today Ethan has gone pee on the potty at least 15 times. No joke. This kid now has some control over his bladder and knows that if he doesn't release all of it each time, he will need to go again in 5 minutes, thus getting another trip to the candy jar. Tomorrow the undies are going on, with the, 'you keep these dry, each time you go to the potty you get a piece of candy,' speech. We need to up the ante a bit.

Now pooping. We work at it. We try to explain to push like you need to fart. Yes, this is graphic, yes, I did just say that, I also did say, 'Peeing with a Penis 101.' So you will just need to move on.

There has been evidence he is trying. These are from the iphone last night, when I, at work again, was not around. Andy was tutoring him through the class, 'The Basics of Pooping of the Potty 101.' He told him to push like he had to fart, as previously mentioned by the professor, there was no pooping taking place, but clear effort was presented by the student. The concentration was there, obviously, but the student is still holding back. So right now in this class he is holding at a B-. It was going to be a C+, but the biting of the lip brought him up 2 points.

'But pleasures are like poppies spread: You seize the flower,--its bloom is shed.'

~John Bunyan, Pilgrim's Progress pt. II

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