Monday, March 30, 2009

Mission: Pooping

There is a particular child in my home who will not poop on the potty. I refuse to mention any names, but she knows who she is. I am pretty certain that at this point, she just will be going to kindergarten pooping in her pants, but I am pretty certain that they don't let you in kindergarten if you poop in your pants, so I am forced into a setting of homeschooling that I am pretty certain at this point I don't want.

How can a child who has gone pee in the potty for close to a year now, still poop in her pants? She used to hold it for days, fearing to poop in her pants, knowing that it would upset me if she did it. Now, well when she has to go, she just goes, no qualms about it. She doesn't even care that it stinks, she doesn't even care that she is sitting in it, she just doesn't care. Oh she is about to care.

Last night she dropped a stink bomb in the Attanaiso's basement, and I am pretty certain it probably still smells down there. Sorry Trista. All day I said to her, 'if you poop in your pants here, we are immediately going home.' With famous replies, 'Oh Mommy, I won't, I know...' So when she did it coincidentally we were packing up, but she didn't need to know that, and in mid discipline, I scold her saying, 'Why did you go in your pants!?!?!' Now we are going home!' And she says to me,'Because that is what I always do.'

Oh. No.She.DIDN'T!!!!!

So that is it. It is overtime poop control in this house. Any child that can say to me, that is where I always go, is about to get a rude awakening. She will be sitting on that darn toilet every single night after dinner for the duration of 4 books, and if there is no poop there is no show, and if there is no poop, there is no candy, I do not care where we are. I choose after dinner to do this because 9 times out of 10, she poops after dinner. Oh and while this entire process is going on, when dinner is finished, if it is only us, she will be pantless, and if she goes on the floor she is cleaning it up. And if she poops in her pants after we go through this song and dance and she is in her jammies, there is no treats the next day. None. And Ethan can eat it like he is Willy Wonka. This child will poop on the toilet, so help me.

I am done with hearing it is a control issue, done with she will do it when she is ready, I am the boss, and she will do her doodies in the toilet.

I am thinking of getting something at the store, wrapping it in fabulous wrapping paper so she does not know what it is,but wants to so badly, and sticking it on top of the fridge, and announcing, you do not get this until you have pooped on the toilet 5 times. There will be a little chart posted and when there is 'x's' five times, she can open it. It has to be big enough to entice her curiosity and taunt her, but not break my budget because it is after all, just poop.

This child is an intelligent child, and she knows what to do, it is now up to me to outsmart her.

Andy was a little concerned, well what if there is something wrong with her, that is why she doesn't poop on the toilet. Fair point. However, this child can poop in her pants like it is nobody's business. I have considered this option a few times. And I too would feel guilty for disciplining her if there was something wrong with her. I am about 99% sure that there is nothing wrong with her other than an incredibly strong will. And I do not plan on disciplining her. The rules will be clearly stated. You poop 5 times in the toilet, you get to open this present. You poop in your pants, you get no show, no candy, period. You poop on the floor, you clean it up, you poop at someones house, we leave, and once we are away from where we were, I will say to her, we are leaving because you pooped in your pants, no embarrassment in front of peers. The tone will be firm, I will not harp on it, or yell about it. And it will go on like this, and you better believe, she will not win.

Mission: Pooping, begins tomorrow night, because I have to work tonight, and I want Andy and I both present when this is instituted because if she sees that this is a united front, she will see we mean business, we are both on the same page, and there is no way in our out of it.

If you are some super mom, you are thinking, 'well she should have done this a long time ago.' Well good for you for potty training your super pooper, but this is my first. You don't have to cut me a break, I don't care. This is the way we are doing it, you can do it your own way and brag blog about that.

Updates to follow.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears...

Oh yes...we took our first trip to the zoo. We went on Ethan's birthday, my mom, the kids and I, and they really did just love everything about it. Kendall has been saying for close to a year now that she was taking E to the zoo on his birthday, thank goodness the weather cooperated.

Kendall was apprehensive about going, she said she didn't want to see bears or lions. Upon further inquisitions I found that in her little head, she thought that these animals were just roaming around freely and we were going to go and walk in there with them. I don't think I would want to go either! So after explaining to her that the animals were behind fences, or glass, and could not get to us, she was a bit more willing to go.I just hoped there wasn't some freak occurrence you hear about where a rhino gets out and charges all over the zoo. We could basically forget about animals forever. Ethan, all I had to say was, 'we are going to see animals,' and he was on board, he didn't care if we swam with the polar bears, he was going to see animals.

So we did and saw everything the zoo had to offer. I had forgotten that peacocks just roam freely throughout the zoo. I thought that the kids would be really surprised by this, but when I pointed one out, they just said,'hi peacock,' like this was an everyday occurrence. A peacock at a vending machine, completely normal to them, oh to live in their heads.

The only thing that was a bit of a set back was their intense excitement. At the start we would look at an animal for maybe 10 seconds, and they would yell, 'more animals!' At this rate the zoo would have been over in an hour.

Once we got into the primate house though, it all started to click. We sat and watched lemurs swing and play and then we saw the orangutans. One of them was pressed right up on the glass and would glance at us every so often. Then the other had a sheet that he was playing with. Kendall and Ethan thought this was so funny, and then it started playing peek-a-boo with them. It would cover up his face, and then wait a few seconds, and pull it down looking at Kendall and E waiting for a reaction from them, and then do it over again. I think I may have found them a new playmate.

Many of the animals were basking in the sunshine of the day, but fortunately, many of them were cozied close to the viewing glass, so that the kids were able to see them close up.

We were at this zoo for 5 hours, let me tell you, we know how to do a museum or something of that nature. You go with us to something like this, plan on being there,

So synopsis:
Ethan's favorite: "MOOONKEEEYS!'

Kendall's: Giraffes

So Happy 2nd Birthday Ethan...I hope you had as much fun as I did.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Happy Birthday Ethan

Yesterday our little man turned 2. My little surprise baby is 2, I can't believe it, time has gone so fast. Andy tells me all the time, that Ethan was not a surprise, I say he certainly was. Reason being, Andy and I went through 5 years of infertility problems until we had Kendall. Miscarriages, no cycles, no eggs, hormone not working, so on and so forth. Many say to write a book about it, maybe one day I will just blog about it, writing a book is so daunting. However, after I had Kendall I just assumed that when I was ready to have another baby, I would go back to the specialist and start all over again. Little did I know, that when Kendall was just 4 months old, apparently my body was ready. I still took hormones while pregnant the first 12 weeks, a little late on the start this time since I didn't know I was pregnant until 6 weeks. With Kendall I knew the egg was fertilized a few days after it happened...medical miracles I tell you. I still was high risk the first 12 weeks, but Ethan worked his magic and stuck around, and now he is 2, I don't know what I would do without him.

I blog about Kendall a lot. That is because Kendall is the most outspoken of the two, she is much more social, and much, much more domineering. Oh but this is all to E.

Ethan was born on a Sunday morning, we were watching Action News, Walter Perez was reporting, incidentally we have his double running stroller, he is a neighbor of my aunt, and he too, has several little ones around the same age. Ethan was a tank to birth. Of course, of course, I had an epidural, so I am not a birthing warrior, and will never try to be. However, the epidural took the opposite effect on me with this birth, and I could not feel the contractions at all, but you better believe I felt that birth. Ethan has a very large head, inherited from me, and pushing that sucker out was no small task, oh here's hoping the next one has a pin head like Daddy and Kendall. No joke, E wears just about the same size hat as Andy.

I was so nervous about having a boy, but here is a little secret I have found this past 2 years, they are so much easier then girls, by far! I would gladly welcome another boy or girl into my home, but if I had the choice, and I don't so it doesn't really matter, I would pick more boys hands down.

Ethan is the epitome of a boy, he is all boy, but with the added twist of having a big sister. So yes, he does play barbies, but his barbies get eaten by dinosaurs. He does in fact play fairy princess, but he is always the prince and willingly kisses the princess to wake her up from her eternal sleep. He does play baby dolls, but his babies are usually flying down the stairs and then having to go to the doctor.Ethan does play store, but usually his cart is the one that crashes into the shelves and all the items are scattered all over the floor making a huge mess. Ethan loves to play trucks, look at trucks, and ride in trucks. Ethan loves to play ball, watch other kids play ball, and could last all day kicking a ball back and forth with you. Ethan has no patience for dilly dallying as Kendall and I like to do, and if you feed him, he is happy. Ethan really does enjoy a good meal and a good nap. He really is a no nonsense kind of guy.

Ethan can now talk in 2-3 word phrases, can tell me the need that needs to be met, and what Kendall did to him. Like a boy, he tells me the necessities, there is no time for conversation, there is playing to be done.

However, Ethan can be very sensitive. Ethan is embarrassed easily, his feelings get hurt easy, and he is always concerned as to where his Mommy and Kendall are, if one of us is not in the room, he is in hot pursuit to find us. Ethan loves animals, and was in his element at the zoo yesterday.

If you wanted to know if the male and female brain really are different come spend a day in my house. Kendall and Ethan do have similar interests, but the way they process, handle, and achieve things is completely different.

Ethan is a complete Mama's Boy still, and I love it so very much. However, he now does let other's he is comfortable with care for him, and I am allowed out of his sight for an extended period of time.

Ethan is also built like a tank. He is only 31 pounds and probably just about 3 feet, but he is a thick kid, with a thick neck, strong legs, big strong hands, and is just solid.

Andy always says that Ethan is pretty, and Kendall always corrects him by saying, 'No Daddy, girls are pretty, boys are handsome.' And Andy always replies, 'No, Kendall, your brother is pretty.' And I do agree. Ethan is quite a looker. I may be bias, but those big brown eyes,long eyelashes, and pouty lips are going to break girls hearts, because they already have that affect on old ladies.

Just like Kendall, in my world, the sun and the moon set on Ethan. The task I have been given to raise this little man is great, but a task I have no other desire than to put my everything into.

So we go into another year, Ebee, and my love for you is greater with each passing moment.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


'Spring is here, Spring is here, it's the best time of the year!'

No, unfortunately I did not come up with that little diddy on my own. I believe it is from Little Bill, a show Kendall watches while I put E down for his nap everyday. But every time the arrival of spring is mentioned, that tune pops in my head. I know, I am a walking soundtrack.

My little man turns 2 tomorrow. As I listen to this I can hear him running back and forth, and back and forth above me on the second floor. He asked to watch The Wiggles. I think a new project has overcome his interests and he is quickly moving things from one room to another as fast as his little legs will take him. I love to watch and hear this kid run. His body is moving so fast, but goes almost nowhere. Since the weather has quickly shown promises of warmth, he is always running around outside. He is the epitome of spring fever. Once you release him out the door he breathes in the air and is instantly drawn into its refreshing nature.

My favorite season is actually Fall. I love when it comes around bringing cold, crisp air. However, this year I have been able to see and enjoy the changes that spring brings through Kendall and Ethan's little eyes, and it has been a reintroduction to spring for me as well. Here is the things we have been enjoying and soaking up.

We have our bird visitors every morning, who come and perch on our porch railing as we eat our cereal that Lily just cackles away at. The daffodils are poking through the soil. Kendall has planted seedlings with my mom that are taking up temporary residency on all open surfaces in my kitchen.

Today as we watered them, we saw the first of them popping through. Kendall was ecstatic, something she had worked on with her little hands was coming to life. She had to call Mom Mom immediately to report the news.

The worker guys are here clearing out the winter wind's havoc on the landscape, so Ethan is in his glory watching this take place. Lily tries to escape out the door through our legs leaving some little one on the floor on her exit, she is that big. She loves to roll around on the front steps in the spring soaking up the sunshine. They think that this is hilarious.

The ducks are at the park and follow us all around when we are there to feed them our stale bread.

And what might be so interesting behind this fence? There is a ball park at our local park and work has begun for the new season...take a peek.

My favorite part of the warm weather is that I am able to crack the windows on some days to let the fresh air in.

Another sign of spring? Mother Goose is back. Each year for the past 3 years a pair of geese have come to live at my grandparents farm on their pond to make a nest and raise their goslings until they feel they are stong enough to spread their wings. The nest is in the same spot each year, and they have arrived and departed at the same time each year. The geese are still a little skeptical around us, but they have no fear of Kendall and Ethan. I suppose because they are of the same height, posing no threat. They walk right up to them and take food from them, it is so cute to see the delight on their faces. Mom Mom Mom's farm is a great place any season, but once the spring comes, and you can be outside, it is even more fun, and the season has begun. So I suppose spring is a pretty cool season after all, and I have my kids to thank for the reintroduction.

I have blogged about the curious bond between Jack the dog, and Ethan, here are the two of them on a hike, each clearly estatic about the weather, the chance to prance around outside, and being with each other. Jack is even smiling. A note on the stick Ethan has. This stick was acquired on the hike, and for that day, this stick was taken everywhere, even to a nap with a little boy.

So however you do Spring go ahead. It's time to dig in some dirt, splash in puddles, learn to ride a bike, get grass stains, put down the car windows as you drive with the tunes turned up, if even if it is The Little Mermaid soundtrack, and above all else? Let that pale winter skin out and give it some sun....

Friday, March 20, 2009

Your Daily Style

I do not care what you say...wall paper is back. I was reading one of my other favorite blogs, and the blogger was talking about a recent trip to Anthropolgie, and as much as she loved the items in the store, it really wasn't her style. This spurred me to go to Anthropologie's website and cruise their Font sizehome section, because let me tell you, this is my style. Oh how I love looking at all their things. There was this cute little pink bird that I would just love sitting on my half wall, I think he would like it there too.

My friend Trista and I go back and forth about wall paper. She does not like wall paper, while I try to force the idea of wall paper on her. It goes back and forth like this. Once again I will say, Trista, a black and white damask wall paper or some funky off beat one would look fabulous in your foyer.

I agree, wall paper was a style of our parents. I can remember all the rooms in our home being wall papered. But wall paper isn't your mother's wall paper any longer, and that is all I have to say about that. Andy is totally against wall paper also. Good thing I have a good track record with decorating, and what he says he hates, he ends up loving. I really think that a funky wall paper on one of the cathedral ceilings in my bedroom, with the other walls painted a color to contrast just right would look great. When we get the time, and if ever the expenses to do so, my bedroom is going to be Anthroplogie inspired, I love that vintage look. However, I vow to not shop at Anthroplogie to achieve this.

Sometimes, I think, as much as I LOVE Anthroplogie and all its cute and random items, it really takes the fun out of things. Because lets face it, the store is an over priced flea market. It takes items that we love, if we love that style, and goes crazy with them, and then they end up overpriced. Sure it makes it easy to obtain these items, if you have that kind of cash, but I love a great flea market or antique store with quality vintage finds.

So if you get a moment, and you are into that kind of style, go ahead over to Anthropologie today and drool for a little bit. Oh and the new hardware collection, totally into it. I would just love, to put some of those knobs on my cabinets in my kitchen, they really deserve it. I think "love" was the key word in my blog today.

And isn't this just the cutest little thing you have ever seen, well seen today, so far? I might take up tea drinking on a more regular basis if I had this sweet sugar dish sitting on my counter.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Do you ever get off the phone with someone and your ear is hot? That is the direct result of being on the phone with a gabbatron. Personally, I am not typically a phone talker, lets just get it done and over with, make the plans, share the info, move on, I have got a fight to break up, a diaper to change, a mouth to feed, or a book to read to some little nugget in my house...because guess what, they are my center. However, I have been known,when in person, to just talk and talk and talk and talk. I have a lot to talk about I guess, and even if we didn't have anything to talk about, I bet you I could find something.

My only hitch with this entire talking thing is that I have to be comfortable enough with you to let this incessant talking be bestowed upon you. If you think I am a quiet person, than truth be known, I do not feel comfortable around you...this could be as a result of my own personal insecurities, or perhaps, maybe you aren't so nice or intimidating, or some variety like that. My husband has shared with me on many occasions that I come across sometimes as a snob. How dare he?!?!?! This is my brief explanation. He knows me on a super personal level, a level at which I feel comfortable to ramble, be silly, sing crazy made up songs, be loud, because I am loud, be sarcastic, and basically tell it and ask it like it is. If you think the following things of me, then I can tell you that you are just so lucky, you today have won a prize you are one of my dearest friends.

Andy sometimes asks if I ever get tired of talking. I think that might be his way of saying nicely, shut up. But I have important things to say. Who else is going to help my friends through whacked out reactions to birth control, infertility, pregnancy, post partum insanities, when and when not to wash the bink that fell on the floor, that no, you don't need to sterilize the bottles, that spanking is not abuse when used properly, that it's ok to run upstairs and scream into your pillow when they won't stop whining. Who else is going to solve the relationship problems of the celebrities? How will Simon know who picked the wrong song? How will they know how to decorate for a party. You give me a topic, I can just go.

Now there are 2 people that I talk to on a regular if not daily basis that could out talk me like it is nobody's business. If there were in a contest I would lose to these two people.

My friend Chrisy and my Grandmother.

Chrisy is my favorite one to listen to talk out of the two because not only can she talk a lot, she talks real fast. She also has this special talent that I have to be able to switch to a totally different subject right in the middle of another, discuss that, and go back to the original where she left off. Not many can do that, you should try it.

Now my grandmother, she can talk and have an opinion about anyone and anything, go ahead, next time you see her, ask her anything, she can talk about it. You have again found the source of my inherited traits.

My immediate family seems to think that I talk to them like I am interviewing for a top story in the newspaper. I think that might be because I am the only who has inherited this need to talk all the time, fill quiet spaces, from my grandmother. So therefore, if they are not going to offer up a topic for me and then divulge in it further, I will question until I find one, and then question about it. And believe me, I will ask and say anything, they are my family for crying out loud, no secrets! How the heck am I supposed to find things out otherwise...they make me do it!

Now the blog is the silent form of me talking, many who know me say that I write like I talk, isn't that what everyone does? I have no idea what that means. Can you help me? Maybe they are saying that I just go on and on with this incessant babble that has no point. But when I read my blogs over, because I like to relive moments, I think they have a point. Does this one?

Of course. It is the passing of the gene. For awhile I thought Ethan was going to have some issues with speech. He had no interest in talking, and I know that in this house, that is not normal. People said, well he is a boy and he is the second, she is talking for him, and that is what I found out to be true. Boys only like to talk about things that they find VERY interesting. Like sports, trucks, and so on. They only want to talk about it with other people who find the topic interesting. It sounds selfish, and please, tell Andy it is. But in Ethan's defense, it is the way his mind works. Now he has found some topics. He likes to talk about animals, and he likes to talk about modes of transportation. But what he really likes to talk about is The Wiggles. Ethan has never been interested in any show on television or anything of the sort. Which is totally fine. But lets say when I am in like the shower, I would like him to not be in and out of the bathroom, in and out of the shower, and just sitting somewhere still, where I know he is where I left him. So one day The Wiggles were on when I was doing this, and it was instant obsession. Andy and I think they are so bizarre, but guess what, I can take a shower and not worry that he is into the markers and coloring all over my house!

Now Kendall, she likes to talk and talk and talk about anything and everything. Oh the apple of my eye.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

...and then I smashed up the van.

Oh it was a glorious Saturday. We got up, we watched The Wiggles for the 600th time, commemorated that with some Eggo Waffles, cleaned up the house, walked to Dominick's for some slices, A. Meg was coming over to take the kids shopping and to dinner, I was going to go to work 4-11, Andy was going to enjoy some down time, and then SMASH!!!Into the guy in the Expedition in front of me. All good things come to an end.

Apparently, losing my cell phone was not enough for me to realize, hey slow down a bit, pay attention to what you are doing, no, I have to do $10,000 worth of damage to my sweet, innocent van. Now, I am really slow, because every part of my body is aching and it hurts to make sudden movements.

So summing it up. I was 2 minutes away from work, I was sitting at a light, annoyed that we were going to be short staffed, thinking about what task to start first, about the laundry I would have to switch when I got home that night, you know the drill, I don't need to remind you that 5,000 things run through my head in a 5 minute time frame. That's impossible you say, try me. The guy in front of me went to go, light green, I stepped on the gas, apparently the guy in front of him didn't get the memo that green means go, he stopped, I didn't, air bag coming towards my face.

I am an instant mess, oh also, in case you didn't know, I am like overly emotional. No really, I carry 10x the amount of emotion a normal woman might carry. My poor husband you say. My poor brain! My Mom Mom describes me as passionate, my husband might categorize it as annoying...occasionally.

Four men, jump out of this beast I hit, asking if I have kids in the car, I say, no and they are trying to carry me out of my van. Apparently, they are not familiar with the reaction of a woman who was in a car accident. It is the end of the world, as we know it.

The driver and his friends were more than gracious. They told the police officer exactly what happened, no cross words, 'it was an honest accident.' The one man looks at the driver and says, 'Lucky for you man, you had that hitch on the back, saved you from more damage.' We all slowly turn to look at my sad Kia,who now has a jacked up hood buckling right in the center. Yeah not so lucky for me. Yes, this lovely man, had a tow hitch on the back with a giant Harley Davidson emblem on the end. It was as if my van wasn't unlucky enough to hit the back of a giant SUV, it also git sucker punched by a giant piece of steel, right down the middle. His damage was minimal. He had it; cracked tail light, dents and scratches in his bumper and a slight dent right on the left rear corner, but clearly pale in comparison.

Then my knight shows up, and immediately hugs me before surveying the damage. He was quite valiant I must say, and took care of everything, taking me to sit in the passenger seat of the car he came in. Not one cross word, not one bit of blame, despite there being plenty to dish out. I love him dearly, most especially in times when my emotions are called for and he knows it, he is my comfort.

His friend Josh happens to own an collision shop, just the place my car needed to go, imagine that. Everything from the tow to the rental suv parked outside has been taken care of by him, and for that I am so thankful. Kendall said as we were driving home in it this morning, 'I like this car Mommy, don't crash it, ok?'

Things could have been so much worse...friends are pretty great.

So I have never been in a car accident outside of a fender bender, not even the passenger in one. So I was/am pretty shaken. The ride home tonight from my parents took 50 minutes instead of 30, due to me suffering from a severe case of nerves the entire way, not allowing myself to take any focus off the task at hand. I didn't even listen to tunes. I still can shut my eyes and see the crash, and feel it. Scary. I cannot imagine being in a crash more severe. I am terribly sore, and as the day went on today, it got worse. Of course, I pushed it, took Motrin, felt fine. I played at the park, lifted the defensive lineman of toddler football, Ethan, no less than 50 times, now I lie her with just my fingers being able to type, nothing else can move without it feeling like I worked out for the last 24 hours, and then was thrown in a boxing ring for some fun.

Josh says the van did exactly what it was to do. When I hit the brakes it did a nose dive to protect itself from extensive internal and much more costly injuries, it took a lot of the force of the crash and crushed on impact so that I wouldn't. It set off an air bag for me to hit instead of a steering wheel, even if I did actually put my arm up to block the impact of it, and am now bruised, better a forearm than a face. Much thanks to my dear Kia.I knew I loved you for reasons more than being able to get in the middle of a book throwing fight on a road trip thanks to your space.

Last evening, I got to come home and put my babies to bed, I got to snuggle with my knight, and today I got to feel the thankfulness of things being taken care of by others wiser than I.

Not so definite on all the reasons God placed me in this car accident, but I am leaning towards slowing me down a bit and reminding me that I cannot control every single thing! Oh, did I forget to mention that I also am a bit of a control freak, minor, but I am. I am thankful to him for protecting me and my family and am willing now to release a little more control back to him, baby of the many lessons I will learn from this, down.

* On a side note, I would just like to make a small suggestion to those that created the name 'air bag' to describe what comes flying out of your steering wheel when you are hit. The word air generally leads someone to think; light, perhaps even fluffy, per se. Then team it up with bag, and the driver might think, trash bag like material, again, light, fluffy. A bag made of air, how bad can it be? So you might want to change that name to: Chemically sprinkled, Turbo Air Filled-Hard Plastic Device. I suppose that might be to long, but we can abbreviate.

I am not trying to make light of the situation, but to those who have not yet had the Air Bag Experience, I feel it is my duty to let you know, it is not as comfortable as those dummies in the crash test commercials make it seem. Sure it is better then the other option, a steering wheel. But what comes at you is made of material that reminded me to the plastic you might find on an air mattress. Then you would fill that plastic up with air to almost to the point of explosion in less than a second, and what you are hitting is something that could surely leave you with abrasions. And then as if it is saying,'Poof,' out comes this cloud of something powdery, but tastes like Comet cleaner, comes spraying out. I couldn't breathe for a few seconds after this occurred.

I don't know, just an idea.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Idol Recap

First and absolutely foremost. Paula's face. What in the world was that about? Talk about face lift, that thing was pulled so tight I was amazed she could open her mouth to speak. And I think she went into Ivana Trump's wardrobe and stole one of her dresses, she was a bit overdressed for the occasion, to say the least. I am just waiting for the overdose to happen live on air. There is no way she is not on something her voice shakes, she shakes, she is very erratic. I just feel so bad for Paula, I mean remember the good old days of 'Opposites Attract,' and Emilio? I think I would be so embarrassed if she was crying and gushing over my performance of a Michael Jackson song, I mean really, it was week one.

They had to pick and sing a Michael Jackson, how not hard is this task? I am a huge fan of Michael's music, probably the best pop artist of all time, its just a shame about the plastic surgery and the silly get ups, isn't that just so strange? Anyway back to American Idol.

So what did I think if the performers? Well the showboat,(Adam Lambert), did have the best performance, when I watch him sing and do whatever it is he does, again, I just feel awkward.

However, my favorite performance of the night was Matt. I just like his style and his voice.

And Phew, Anoop, just squeezed on by, I again, like him, I think the others take this all too seriously, I guess maybe they should, but his laid back approach, I really like. Had Jorge gotten through, I would not have been a happy Idol watcher.

And we said goodbye to Jasmine, Kendall felt a little sympathy for her and said,'That's not nice they sent her home not to sing anymore, Mommy.' Yeah well life's rough. The two people I wanted off were sent home, what more can a girl want?

And Megan, poor Megan, definite wrong song choice, but what was she supposed to sing, it was Michael Jackson for Pete's sake. I agree with her choice to go more with the Jackson 5, I just don't know what I would have done with her. But if she would please, please stop dancing I would be so happy. I have to close my eyes or look away and just listen to her, I can't watch her dance, it is just humiliating for me to watch this pretty girl move like that. Someone needs to tell her, stand still.

Does anyone else get nervous when watching the group perform for Scott? I am so afraid that he is going to fall off the stage or knock into someone, I can only focus on him when they are all together to make sure he is ok. It's distracting me from their lip syncing. Which brings me to a bigger question...Why are they lip syncing their group performance, they are not even close to matching it up, it is just terrible, its like watching Britney Spears in concert. I always wonder why people would want to go and see her perform, she lip syncs the entire concert and you paid like $100 for that.

So my forgettable performances of the night: Lil Rounds,Scott, Michael Sarver, Alexis Grace, (can she please put on some clothes), Jasmine, and poor Anoop.

The memorable performances of the night: I suppose the showboat, Allison, (even though she had a terrible outfit), Danny,C(K)hris, and my sweet underdog, Matt.

The embarrassing performances of the night: Megan & Jorge.

So that's my recap from this week.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Look Out Shawn Johnson

Kendall is taking a Tumbling Class at the Y for 6 weeks courtesy of her A. Meghan for a Birthday Gift. She had her first class this past Monday Morning, and this hour was the greatest time ever for Kendall.

Kendall was referring to this class as dance class, some said, well don't refer to it as dance class, she will be upset when she finds out that it is not dance class. Let me just tell you something about Kendall's dancing, her preferred style of dance includes a lot of acrobatic moves and so these things she will learn at tumbling class will only perfect her skills.

She loved it.She thought nothing of the fact that there was no music playing. She walked in, saw a balence beam and was in heaven. I told her that she might just get to go on that today, she ripped off her sweater, grabbed a mat like the teacher told her to do, and said, 'bye mommy.'

We were able to observe her from the hallway through the windows. There is 6 girls and one boy in this class. I think Kendall may be the youngest in the class, but she fit right in socially. She laughed when she thought it was 'cool,' to laugh, and sat and listened to the teacher when she needed to, knowing exactly what was expected of her. Many of the kids must have taken tumbling before and so everything was second nature to them, and they were very confident, but Kendall was not phased by this in the slightest and loved trying all the new things. After each thing she did she would turn to make sure I was watching and have the biggest grin on her face. The determination that would be on her face as she tried to master each task was so cute.

The only person who did not have a good time that morning was Ethan. Ethan was heartbroken he could not join in on the class and could not be with Kendall. As we sat and watched he would occasionally have a crying melt down, and scream, 'I dance with Dendall,pweassse!' When I said class was over he sprinted to the door and ripped it open running on the mat to Kendall and giving her a hug. So although I am certain he wanted to be in the class also, I think he might have missed Kendall too.

Kendall was so excited to tell Andy about the class and went into great detail about the activities in the class. Everyday she asks if it is dance class day when she wakes up. I don't know what we will do when the 6 weeks is over.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

So Long, Farewell...

Dear Old Man Winter,

Unfortunately this year, we are not sad to see you go. You really gave us a hard time this season. You produced snow that could not make snowmen. You left the days so bitterly cold and windy that on a simple sprint to the car, Ethan would freeze into position screaming and cursing you for chapping his cheeks and freezing his hands.

Speaking of chapping. You also gave our potty trainer who has inherited no hips from Joan Lyons chapped cheeks of another kind. You see, Kendall's body has no curves, much like her mother, who is much like her grandmother. So what happens is when there is a diaper missing, there is no cushion or padding, and when little ones with no curves run about in the cold weather, the chaffing starts, leaving sore stingy bottoms, and oh does it hurt!

You ran up our electric bill because Andy likes to be tremendously warm, and reside in a tropical climate all year long, you were way too cold to bear.

You tricked us 2 weeks ago, we thought you might be gone for good. So much so that we chanted Springs praises all the way during our walk to the park. What a glorious arrival it had made.

But then you kicked her right out on her tush, and showed her who was boss.

We did have fun on your last blast, Ethan finally decided that it was fun to play in the snow. But now it looks like you may be gone for good. My daffodils are starting to sprout up through the soil, which means that Spring told them it is safe for them to come out.

I also would like to balk about the appearance you leave behind after you wreak havoc. The ground is so muddy, the grass is brown, everything is wet, and it just looks really ugly, couldn't you just clean the place up before you left?

So goodbye old chum, perhaps next year will be better. Perhaps Kendall will learn to ski, and Ethan might want to sled. But until then...Good Riddance. We say this in good faith because Spring has already returned to me the cell phone you took and hid. The warm sun melted the snow revealing the best present so still works too. Nice Try.

The Fink Family
We have no qualms about leaving you behind.

Friday, March 6, 2009

THIS IS...American Idol. I was supposed to sound like Seacrest.

So I am an avid fan of American Idol, I have previously mentioned this. I have also said that I don't even support the winners career when they are through. It is completely true. I mean I went to high school with Justin Guarini, who LOST to Kelly Clarkson in the first season, but this kid made out with close friends of mine in high school, we even share a birthday, surely I must have bought a cd? But sadly no, I honestly could have cared less about what he did after this show. I know he made a terrible movie that I never saw, and did he release a cd? I have no idea. So you can see that since I didn't even support someone I associated with in high school, I certainly am not going to support lets say Taylor Hicks, but for the record I thought that Katherine McPhee deserved to win that season. I mean a guy who went prematurely gray who can only croon, not necessarily sing, and dances like a moron is an American Idol, really?

So what is the point of watching it? It is the process of the critique people. Now it is the same as when I watch, let's say, America's Best Dance Crew, or um, So You Think You Can Dance. I can't sing for the life of me, and I cannot dance like these people do, my style is more like Ellen Degeneres, just a subtle hip movement, shoulder shake, side steps, while singing off key, BUT, you better believe I can rip these people's talents apart. Oh that is not nice Melissa, you say, however, these people chose to subject themselves to public ridicule when they signed up for the show, I am just doing my part. Seriously though, if you watch these shows with me, Andy and my children can attest, you may think that I am some accomplished dancer or singer/songwriter. When I hear what they chose to sing, I immediately dictate my opinion on the song before a note is sung, i.e.,'Now why would she choose that song, she knows that she cannot hit that high note in the last verse.' And when they are finished I voice my approval, or rip into them like nobody's business. I have finally found a somewhat of a similarity with Andy in regards to his sport obsession, when these shows are airing, there are no interruptions unless they are relevant to the fool that is singing or dancing, it's showtime. However, I stop short at my day being ruined because the person or team I wanted to win did not, that is where the line is crossed people.

So what is my opinion on the Top 13? First off, I enjoyed this season's little drawn out choosing of the top 12, many did not, many thought it was unfair, pairing too many people in one group of but that is what the wild card was for fools. So here is my analysis on the contestants from this season, hopefully I will have the time to post each week my opinion on the show, because I know you live and die over my opinion on American Idol.

Adam Lambert: This guy is Andy's favorite, and on a good day, when I don't have a lot of phlegm in my throat, I too can screech like him. He is the epitome of an 80's Rock Ballad singer. The next lead singer of White Snake. He is entertaining. But what a showboat he is. Watch him the next time he sings, he winks at the camera, does little head tilts, and I am sure women everywhere who listen to Poison, and tease their bangs and wear scrunchies are swooning. Me? Not so much. I hate when he sticks his tongue out when he hits the high notes, and I don't know how he will fare when the theme changes each week. There are only so many times you can add a heavy metal twist to a song, I mean what is he going to do on country week?Can he sing, you bet your sweet bippy, does he have a sick range, for sure, does he annoy me, no doubt.

Alexis Grace: This is the girl who came out on stage in her lingerie, like she forgot her dress or something. It might have been like a dream where you walk out on to a stage to perform in your underwear and then wake up, only she was living the dream. She can sing, but to me, using a Simon quote, she is forgettable. She is bluesy, but I don't know, I could do without her on the show, she just got in a lousy group of 12, and she was one of the best.

Alison Iraheta: Now her and Adam need to team up for a duet somewhere in the season. She has taken the traditional girl rocker of the season position. But let me tell you this girl is 16, and she can sing, really good. She may not be one of my favorite, but my prediction is, if she picks some good tunes, she will go far, but this might be an issue with her, since again, she is only 16.

Anoop Desai: Easily one of my favorites of the season, but not for his singing, so I don't think he would be worthy of a win. But go ahead and check out a pic of him on Google or something, if you haven't heard anything about him, you would never in a million years think that he can sing. But he can, and the thing I really like about him, is that he is having fun with it. Like he is some college kid cool with whatever happens. I mean he sings Bobby Brown songs, he is most likely the entertainment of the party after a few beers get in him. I would not be surprised if this is his pre performance ritual, other are doing scales, and drinking tea, I see him sitting with the camera men drinking some Miller Lite.

Danny Gokey: This is the man that is surrounded in a bit of controversy because his wife passed away a few weeks before he tried out for Idol, so people thought he was put through on sympathy votes. That is too bad people might think that because he can sing, sad story aside. I don't really have much more of an opinion on that, he hasn't really stood out to me, but I think he will be in the top 5 or further.

Jasmine Murray: The other youngster, but this one bothers me, she is way to confident for 16, and you think not being picked until the wild card round might have brought her down a few rungs, but no, she thinks she is it. Nothing bothers me more than someone who thinks they are it, immediately, I hope she is off, early, I don't even care that she can sing.

Jorge Nunez: Another one that gets under my skin. Eternally optimistic, that sounds terrible, but he is ALWAYS smiling and happy, like Simon could have told him he was the worst contestant ever, and he would say, 'thank you,' and smile. I do not think he should be in the top 13, and I guarantee that he will go far because of that.

Kris Allen: Kris Allen got in because he is cute. I told Andy that when he said he wouldn't get in, and I was right. Little high school girls think he is so super cute, and I can see them just glued to the set when he performs, hanging on every note, and you need that to succeed in this show. It annoys me that his name starts with a K. You may say that is irrelevant to this competition, but this is my vote to place, and if I am not going to vote for him because his name starts with a K and little girls drool over him like they do over the Jonas Brothers, so be it.

Lil Rounds: There is always one of these girls in the season, a powerhouse girl, like Jennifer Hudson, or Fantasia, they can sing they crap out of a song, which she can certainly do. I think she is destined to be the vote off that makes Simon mad this season, there is always one. Simon says, 'I think the nation made a big mistake with this vote,' and the one left on the show is left feeling like the biggest piece of poop.

Matt Giraud: Something about him I just really like. Give him a piano and he is in his element, a great performer, I just don't think he has that big of a fan base. What got him in, was the judges, in each and every round so far, I hope that he has a good week next week, because otherwise, sianara.

Megan Joy: This girl is awkward, but I really, really like her style, could do without the arm tattoo that really kind of messes with her image, but I really like the way she sings, and why wouldn't I, she sings like many of my favorite singers, with that quirky twang in her voice. Now, if she would just not try and dance when she sings, that would be great. I actually get embarrassed for her, my face actually reddens. It is terrible, you'll see.

Michael Sarver: The classic married with a family blue collar worker, country singer, every season has one, here is this seasons. He can carry a tune, but there is far better than he, sad to say.

Scott MacIntyre: This is the blind man. Ultra talented, he can somewhat sing, and can also play the piano, which for someone who cannot see the lyrics to sing or the music to play, is pretty awesome. It will be interesting to see how they choreograph the group number and Idol tour with him on. However, handicap aside, I really don't think he can sing all that well. I get that it is awesome that he can do this much musically and is blind, but he is no Stevie Wonder, there I said it, you know that if you watch the show you thought it, you just weren't all that ballsy enough to say it, there I made it easier on you.

So who so I think will win American Idol at this point in the competition?

Either Alison, Danny, or Megan. Choose one you say, based solely upon performances thus far-Alison. I pick my final winner usually around 6 weeks left, so wait for it, my reason is because up until this point they have gotten to pick their own style. Now they have to sing all styles, and most fail miserably.

I will also be commenting on Paula's mental status each week also, because that to adds to the entertainment value of the show, I am terrible.

Enjoy the Season, I know I will.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I want to be just like Daddy.


Putting Ethan down for his nap, in runs Kendall, 'I have to go pee pee, quick, quick!' She is dancing, legs crossed, hopping, hands on crotch in that infamous I have to pee position, she falls over losing balance. 'Help I can't get these jeans off!' This is the problem; Kendall waits until the pee is about to come exploding out before she decides to go to the pot. So I with one hand, get the jeans unbuttoned, pull the pants down to her knees, and say, 'Run, quick!' I hear in response a few minutes later, 'I made it, wow, I really filled this up!' Well I guess so you haven't gone since you awoke this morning and have drank juice like you ran a marathon and were dying of thirst.

I put Ethan down, walk into my room, smell immediately registering. I look down, pile of poop. Like an animal, she has pooped on the floor. I call for her and see a rustle on my bed. I pick up the pile, with a wipe of course, flush it, and just casually walk over to her waiting to see if she will fess up. She has no jeans or panties on and is on my fresh sheets, bare butt. Terrific. I lift her up, and say, 'well since you went pee pee, we should just get your jeans and panties back on.' She replies in a sickly sweet tone, 'ok, Mommy.' I stand her up see the streaks left behind and ask 'Oh my Kendall, what is this on the sheets, did someone have an accident?' And she looks at me, eyes wide and innocent and says, 'Yeah Mommy, I think that Daddy pooped last night in bed,'; and then proceeds to look down at it with a look of sympathy for her poor Daddy who pooped in the bed. I ask, 'Oh really?' And she says, 'I sink so,' puppy dog eyes and all. I say to her, 'Well Kendall I don't think that Daddy would poop in our bed, he is a big person and poops on the potty now.' She then says, now being excited like she has solved the puzzle, 'I bet it was E Mommy, he poops all the time.' I then say, 'well Ethan wears a diaper Kendall, so I don't think it was him, I wonder who it could have been.' She proceeds in the fibbing now in way to deep and replies, repeating me, 'I wonder who it was.' I then turn to her and ask if her nose is starting to grow. She grabs at it frantically. I ask her, 'Why would your nose be growing?' And then there is a breakdown. Instant sobbing, 'I so sorry Mommy, it came so fast, racing out of me! I couldn't catch it, so I left it on the floor.' We go over the speech. 'Kendall you should not be waiting until you can hardly hold it to race to the potty to go poopy. You need to get to the potty when you first feel you have to go...' She looks at me, still visibly upset and says, 'Daddy always races to go poopy when he gets home from work, and he makes it, I want to make it like Daddy.' I then tell her, well Daddy is really talented. When he was little like you, he couldn't hold it for a very long time.' And she says, 'Well when I get bigger like Daddy, I want to be able to hold it a long time.' I say,' fine, but until then, you need to get to the potty right away, otherwise you will never learn this fine talent.'

Just what we want to be able to do when we grow up. Daddy is incredible.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Cell Phone

Three Arms
Is lost. It rings. I don't hear it. No one hears it. I have walked outside into the frozen tundra listening for it. No cell phone. When I call it no one answers. Soon the battery will die and there will be no hope for the missing phone. I stopped at Wawa yesterday. Maybe I sat it down on the counter? Maybe it is on vibrate? I don't think I did that. I called WaWa, no phone. My friend Chrisy, who lives by the Wawa will stop there later this afternoon to get coffee, she is going to ask, because she misses my phone to.

Not like it was the greatest cell phone. I should be due for an upgrade, why haven't we had an upgrade?

Needless to say that with this great loss comes the loss of my SIM card and phone number I think? Does this truly happen? I like my phone number, it is so close to Andy's number, that makes it fun like we are a cute couple or something.

I lose a lot of things. This makes Andy angry with me. It's not like I do it on purpose. It isn't like the things are not valuable to me. My explanation is as follows, if anyone cares. Which no one ever seems to, but none the less, here it is.

Do you know how many things in a given day that I have to keep going in my head? I am the mother of two and a cat, as I type this there is another kitten in my half bath that we are letting spend some time with us before we release it back to the was skinny and needs milk and food. I have no problem continuing to feed it on my porch, it just can't live with us. As previously mentioned this makes Lily so very angry, presently she is down in the basement, behind the fridge down there, scowling, and screeches at me every time I try and talk to her.

You see what I am saying? So this is the kind of things that go through my mind. I have to entertain my children, clean, feed, instruct, and love on them throughout the day. I also have to keep the house going. Do you know how much laundry I have to do? It is so very insane. I also have to clean my house, because if it was not clean at the end of the day, it is all I would think about as I lie in bed at night, and I would much rather think about my cute kids or something. I also have a highly stressful part time job. So it only pans out to about 20 hours a week, but from the second I walk in the door until I walk out I am going 100 miles an hour, no joke, come watch me, I am sure it is entertaining. But it is a high pace, juggling a thousand things, decision making job, and that is what I like. I also have a husband who gets the shaft on many a day. And I am so sad for that, so then I have to think about that, and how I make that up to him, and so that makes me a really bad wife, so then I think about that. See? It goes on and on. And I really want to rent a carpet cleaner from Lowes and clean my carpets, and I really wish it was warmer out today so that we could build a snowman without freezing parts of our body off. So something as simple as sitting my cell phone down somewhere absentmindedly can easily happen when you are thinking about how to incorporate firm discipline and have Kendall understand that calling people things that are better left in a potty is not appropriate even when other kids get away with it. That is more daunting of a task than easily described. Because Kendall getting in trouble for calling a friend this while the friend continues to do it and not get in trouble is troublesome. To each his own.You can decide what and what does not come out of your kids mouth, but explaining that to my three year old is difficult. See you too have already forgotten that I set my cell phone down somewhere.

Geez can I get an addition on my brain? Perhaps just resigning to not actually pick up anything important and also small, or perhaps a sort of plastic surgery that might attach these objects to me. Can someone now explain this all to Andy, because I am certain he is annoyed with me over this cell phone...among many other of my nuances.

On to nap time, can I lie down, is that kosher with a pile of wash that could dress the entire homeless population? Is that ok with peanut butter and jelly on every surface, or while my cat is ready to pack her bags and leave?

Oh and my funny ad for the week. I saw this commercial on tv one night while watching Chelsea, and I was laughing out loud. It even disrupted Andy's snoring I was laughing that loud at it. Ellen also recently played it on her show. Because that is right Ellen Degeneres and I could be great friends. More on that later...