Monday, October 19, 2009

Saltines Anyone?

Morning sickness. Who came up with that name and why? It is not morning sickness at all. It is nausea that will grip you at any point in the day, that’s what it is. Wouldn’t that be great if it were just in the morning? Those women are so fortunate. Of course it would be even more fortunate to not have it at all, but as we all know, I am not so fortunate when it comes to pregnancy and well I mean why not suffer with incredible nausea too? For the sake of the argument, and the Mayo Clinic’s pregnancy handbook, or something like that, as well as ‘What to Expect When You Are Expecting’, I will refer to it as Morning Sickness. Well until I come up with a better name when I write my little pregnancy guidebook. I don’t know, you tell me, hell just doesn’t seem appropriate; it also may scare people off, and then what would I use to describe vaginal birth? Don’t you just want to go and conceive right now?

As I am in the throes of morning sickness I think sometimes, does everyone experience it the same way? Probably not. I mean everyone feels pain a little different, depending on their tolerance level. Kendall, for instance, screams out in pain if her underwear is on backwards. Ethan it takes a little bit more, like a nice fall down the stairs. So I am going to go ahead and assume that beyond the expected symptoms of an illness, each person is going to feel them a little differently. Again, for instance, my husband has never had diarrhea cramps. That’s what he says folks. Isn’t that something? I think it is impossible. How do you not ever have that? It is terrible, it bends you in half and makes you want to reach into your abdomen and throw it across the room. Don’t even get me started if there isn’t Pepto near by. However, I think he has had it, but experiences it different then me, his bowel is more tolerant to pain, and it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

So I can only describe it as it happens to me, this morning sickness thing, and if it is any better to you congrats, and if it is worse, I am so very sorry. I will preface this with my only advice in regards to the subject, because nothing works for me, I have tried it all, but if at all possible, don’t throw up. I mean there are some women who can’t help it. I understand that. However, it is not like a stomach bug. Throwing up will not get rid of anything, and you will only feel worse. I tried it once with this pregnancy, and I vow to never do it again if I can help it. Beyond all of that, I hate throwing up to begin with. I still cry for my mom. Really. Almost 31, almost 3 children, I still want my mom to take care of me when I am sick.

Morning sickness to me is similar to that feeling you have the next morning after you have consumed way too many adult beverages. You feel as if there is just all this gross stuff just sloshing around in that belly and you want to get rid of it, but like I said, throwing up doesn’t, and so, you are stuck. It is that incredible nausea you feel right before you throw it all up vowing to never drink again. Bathroom floors and their chill still feel fabulous, but you will most likely not turn and see one of your girlfriends suffering along side of you anymore. Instead you now have your three year old stating the obvious, ‘Wow Mommy, that baby is sure making you sick, huh?’

Morning Sickness hits me throughout the day and night. My hormones, since they are notoriously known to be so cooperative, are even more super awesome then that. I will be getting ready to make dinner, excited about what I am making, hardly being able to wait until it is done. BAM. The smell of the chicken has me dry heaving, the nausea comes, meal ruined for me. And it goes like this. Wake up in the middle of the night in pain because my bladder is full for the 12th time that night, and climb back into bed, excited to fall back asleep because it is only 2 am, and I have so much more sleep to come, smell the dog, it’s over. It is primarily associated with smells, sometimes, just when I think I have it figured out, and vow to shove cotton balls up my nose; I get overcome with nausea just sitting outside watching the kids ride their bikes. The terrible part about it is that when it hits you it doesn’t get any easier to handle 3 weeks into it, and even 3 pregnancies into it. It is still the same unbearable wanting to vomit all over the place feeling. I will confess that with Ethan it was not as bad. This I have studied in depth and come up with two hypotheses. 1. It was only 4 months after I have given birth to Kendall, that I conceived Ethan, it is feasible that my body had not rid itself of all pregnancy hormones and therefore, the increasing flow of hormones was not a shock to my system. 2. It’s a girl. We will not be able to come to a conclusion for a couple more weeks, and I have not decided if we will share the sex of the baby or not. Surprises are fun. Not for me, because I am going to find out, but of course, for others.

The best part about morning sickness this time is that I cannot just take a minute or twenty to recover and compose myself and get used to the nausea, I have my kids. Kids of my children’s age do not accept, ‘Mommy doesn’t feel good.’ It does not register, and they aren’t going to say, ‘Hey Mommy, why don’t you go lie down, we will just sit quietly in our rooms and entertain ourselves while you rest.’ So I give myself a little pep talk, consisting of some self-discipline along the lines of, ‘get yourself together Melissa, you asked for this, and beyond that your kids need you to break up fights, feed them, and create forts with them that you pray will entertain them for at least 45 minutes.’

Your body does some pretty strange things while you are pregnant, some are just downright absurd, and morning sickness is just the beginning, so you better suck it up. I think it is your body’s way of saying, ‘can you handle what I am throwing at ‘cha because you ain’t seen nothing yet,’ with the culmination of it all being birth. So on with it.

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