Monday, March 30, 2009

Mission: Pooping

There is a particular child in my home who will not poop on the potty. I refuse to mention any names, but she knows who she is. I am pretty certain that at this point, she just will be going to kindergarten pooping in her pants, but I am pretty certain that they don't let you in kindergarten if you poop in your pants, so I am forced into a setting of homeschooling that I am pretty certain at this point I don't want.

How can a child who has gone pee in the potty for close to a year now, still poop in her pants? She used to hold it for days, fearing to poop in her pants, knowing that it would upset me if she did it. Now, well when she has to go, she just goes, no qualms about it. She doesn't even care that it stinks, she doesn't even care that she is sitting in it, she just doesn't care. Oh she is about to care.

Last night she dropped a stink bomb in the Attanaiso's basement, and I am pretty certain it probably still smells down there. Sorry Trista. All day I said to her, 'if you poop in your pants here, we are immediately going home.' With famous replies, 'Oh Mommy, I won't, I know...' So when she did it coincidentally we were packing up, but she didn't need to know that, and in mid discipline, I scold her saying, 'Why did you go in your pants!?!?!' Now we are going home!' And she says to me,'Because that is what I always do.'

Oh. No.She.DIDN'T!!!!!

So that is it. It is overtime poop control in this house. Any child that can say to me, that is where I always go, is about to get a rude awakening. She will be sitting on that darn toilet every single night after dinner for the duration of 4 books, and if there is no poop there is no show, and if there is no poop, there is no candy, I do not care where we are. I choose after dinner to do this because 9 times out of 10, she poops after dinner. Oh and while this entire process is going on, when dinner is finished, if it is only us, she will be pantless, and if she goes on the floor she is cleaning it up. And if she poops in her pants after we go through this song and dance and she is in her jammies, there is no treats the next day. None. And Ethan can eat it like he is Willy Wonka. This child will poop on the toilet, so help me.

I am done with hearing it is a control issue, done with she will do it when she is ready, I am the boss, and she will do her doodies in the toilet.

I am thinking of getting something at the store, wrapping it in fabulous wrapping paper so she does not know what it is,but wants to so badly, and sticking it on top of the fridge, and announcing, you do not get this until you have pooped on the toilet 5 times. There will be a little chart posted and when there is 'x's' five times, she can open it. It has to be big enough to entice her curiosity and taunt her, but not break my budget because it is after all, just poop.

This child is an intelligent child, and she knows what to do, it is now up to me to outsmart her.

Andy was a little concerned, well what if there is something wrong with her, that is why she doesn't poop on the toilet. Fair point. However, this child can poop in her pants like it is nobody's business. I have considered this option a few times. And I too would feel guilty for disciplining her if there was something wrong with her. I am about 99% sure that there is nothing wrong with her other than an incredibly strong will. And I do not plan on disciplining her. The rules will be clearly stated. You poop 5 times in the toilet, you get to open this present. You poop in your pants, you get no show, no candy, period. You poop on the floor, you clean it up, you poop at someones house, we leave, and once we are away from where we were, I will say to her, we are leaving because you pooped in your pants, no embarrassment in front of peers. The tone will be firm, I will not harp on it, or yell about it. And it will go on like this, and you better believe, she will not win.

Mission: Pooping, begins tomorrow night, because I have to work tonight, and I want Andy and I both present when this is instituted because if she sees that this is a united front, she will see we mean business, we are both on the same page, and there is no way in our out of it.

If you are some super mom, you are thinking, 'well she should have done this a long time ago.' Well good for you for potty training your super pooper, but this is my first. You don't have to cut me a break, I don't care. This is the way we are doing it, you can do it your own way and brag blog about that.


Updates to follow.

3 comments:

mccayfamily said...

You sound like me last summer, she will get it eventually!!! In the meantime, I'm going to pick up that Mulan doll at target and you can wrap that in a huge box.

annasmommy said...

well, anna is almost 2 and i haven't even STARTED potty training! some of her friends pee in the potty...and my daughter is nowhere near ready. She will sit in her wet/dirty diaper for hours....no qualms about it. I will be thinking of you, as I too, am cleaning poopy diapers :)

Meggan said...

Our third child did not want to poop in the potty. He used the toilet to pee but he would NOT POOP. Every night we would put his nighttime diaper on and walk by the door five minutes later, and the smell would knock you out. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT he pooped at bedtime. We tried for a very very long time to put him on the toilet for 15 minutes before bed, and he just wouldn't do it. Finally we went on a trip and Eric refused to put a diaper on him ever and something clicked and he finally started using the toilet for his poop. This is not advice, this is commiseration, because I have no idea how to make an itinerant pooper use the toilet. For us it just happened one day. I send you the greatest vibes for patience and success!