Friday, March 6, 2009

THIS IS...American Idol. I was supposed to sound like Seacrest.

So I am an avid fan of American Idol, I have previously mentioned this. I have also said that I don't even support the winners career when they are through. It is completely true. I mean I went to high school with Justin Guarini, who LOST to Kelly Clarkson in the first season, but this kid made out with close friends of mine in high school, we even share a birthday, surely I must have bought a cd? But sadly no, I honestly could have cared less about what he did after this show. I know he made a terrible movie that I never saw, and did he release a cd? I have no idea. So you can see that since I didn't even support someone I associated with in high school, I certainly am not going to support lets say Taylor Hicks, but for the record I thought that Katherine McPhee deserved to win that season. I mean a guy who went prematurely gray who can only croon, not necessarily sing, and dances like a moron is an American Idol, really?

So what is the point of watching it? It is the process of the critique people. Now it is the same as when I watch, let's say, America's Best Dance Crew, or um, So You Think You Can Dance. I can't sing for the life of me, and I cannot dance like these people do, my style is more like Ellen Degeneres, just a subtle hip movement, shoulder shake, side steps, while singing off key, BUT, you better believe I can rip these people's talents apart. Oh that is not nice Melissa, you say, however, these people chose to subject themselves to public ridicule when they signed up for the show, I am just doing my part. Seriously though, if you watch these shows with me, Andy and my children can attest, you may think that I am some accomplished dancer or singer/songwriter. When I hear what they chose to sing, I immediately dictate my opinion on the song before a note is sung, i.e.,'Now why would she choose that song, she knows that she cannot hit that high note in the last verse.' And when they are finished I voice my approval, or rip into them like nobody's business. I have finally found a somewhat of a similarity with Andy in regards to his sport obsession, when these shows are airing, there are no interruptions unless they are relevant to the fool that is singing or dancing, it's showtime. However, I stop short at my day being ruined because the person or team I wanted to win did not, that is where the line is crossed people.

So what is my opinion on the Top 13? First off, I enjoyed this season's little drawn out choosing of the top 12, many did not, many thought it was unfair, pairing too many people in one group of but that is what the wild card was for fools. So here is my analysis on the contestants from this season, hopefully I will have the time to post each week my opinion on the show, because I know you live and die over my opinion on American Idol.

Adam Lambert: This guy is Andy's favorite, and on a good day, when I don't have a lot of phlegm in my throat, I too can screech like him. He is the epitome of an 80's Rock Ballad singer. The next lead singer of White Snake. He is entertaining. But what a showboat he is. Watch him the next time he sings, he winks at the camera, does little head tilts, and I am sure women everywhere who listen to Poison, and tease their bangs and wear scrunchies are swooning. Me? Not so much. I hate when he sticks his tongue out when he hits the high notes, and I don't know how he will fare when the theme changes each week. There are only so many times you can add a heavy metal twist to a song, I mean what is he going to do on country week?Can he sing, you bet your sweet bippy, does he have a sick range, for sure, does he annoy me, no doubt.

Alexis Grace: This is the girl who came out on stage in her lingerie, like she forgot her dress or something. It might have been like a dream where you walk out on to a stage to perform in your underwear and then wake up, only she was living the dream. She can sing, but to me, using a Simon quote, she is forgettable. She is bluesy, but I don't know, I could do without her on the show, she just got in a lousy group of 12, and she was one of the best.

Alison Iraheta: Now her and Adam need to team up for a duet somewhere in the season. She has taken the traditional girl rocker of the season position. But let me tell you this girl is 16, and she can sing, really good. She may not be one of my favorite, but my prediction is, if she picks some good tunes, she will go far, but this might be an issue with her, since again, she is only 16.

Anoop Desai: Easily one of my favorites of the season, but not for his singing, so I don't think he would be worthy of a win. But go ahead and check out a pic of him on Google or something, if you haven't heard anything about him, you would never in a million years think that he can sing. But he can, and the thing I really like about him, is that he is having fun with it. Like he is some college kid cool with whatever happens. I mean he sings Bobby Brown songs, he is most likely the entertainment of the party after a few beers get in him. I would not be surprised if this is his pre performance ritual, other are doing scales, and drinking tea, I see him sitting with the camera men drinking some Miller Lite.

Danny Gokey: This is the man that is surrounded in a bit of controversy because his wife passed away a few weeks before he tried out for Idol, so people thought he was put through on sympathy votes. That is too bad people might think that because he can sing, sad story aside. I don't really have much more of an opinion on that, he hasn't really stood out to me, but I think he will be in the top 5 or further.

Jasmine Murray: The other youngster, but this one bothers me, she is way to confident for 16, and you think not being picked until the wild card round might have brought her down a few rungs, but no, she thinks she is it. Nothing bothers me more than someone who thinks they are it, immediately, I hope she is off, early, I don't even care that she can sing.

Jorge Nunez: Another one that gets under my skin. Eternally optimistic, that sounds terrible, but he is ALWAYS smiling and happy, like Simon could have told him he was the worst contestant ever, and he would say, 'thank you,' and smile. I do not think he should be in the top 13, and I guarantee that he will go far because of that.

Kris Allen: Kris Allen got in because he is cute. I told Andy that when he said he wouldn't get in, and I was right. Little high school girls think he is so super cute, and I can see them just glued to the set when he performs, hanging on every note, and you need that to succeed in this show. It annoys me that his name starts with a K. You may say that is irrelevant to this competition, but this is my vote to place, and if I am not going to vote for him because his name starts with a K and little girls drool over him like they do over the Jonas Brothers, so be it.

Lil Rounds: There is always one of these girls in the season, a powerhouse girl, like Jennifer Hudson, or Fantasia, they can sing they crap out of a song, which she can certainly do. I think she is destined to be the vote off that makes Simon mad this season, there is always one. Simon says, 'I think the nation made a big mistake with this vote,' and the one left on the show is left feeling like the biggest piece of poop.

Matt Giraud: Something about him I just really like. Give him a piano and he is in his element, a great performer, I just don't think he has that big of a fan base. What got him in, was the judges, in each and every round so far, I hope that he has a good week next week, because otherwise, sianara.

Megan Joy: This girl is awkward, but I really, really like her style, could do without the arm tattoo that really kind of messes with her image, but I really like the way she sings, and why wouldn't I, she sings like many of my favorite singers, with that quirky twang in her voice. Now, if she would just not try and dance when she sings, that would be great. I actually get embarrassed for her, my face actually reddens. It is terrible, you'll see.

Michael Sarver: The classic married with a family blue collar worker, country singer, every season has one, here is this seasons. He can carry a tune, but there is far better than he, sad to say.

Scott MacIntyre: This is the blind man. Ultra talented, he can somewhat sing, and can also play the piano, which for someone who cannot see the lyrics to sing or the music to play, is pretty awesome. It will be interesting to see how they choreograph the group number and Idol tour with him on. However, handicap aside, I really don't think he can sing all that well. I get that it is awesome that he can do this much musically and is blind, but he is no Stevie Wonder, there I said it, you know that if you watch the show you thought it, you just weren't all that ballsy enough to say it, there I made it easier on you.

So who so I think will win American Idol at this point in the competition?

Either Alison, Danny, or Megan. Choose one you say, based solely upon performances thus far-Alison. I pick my final winner usually around 6 weeks left, so wait for it, my reason is because up until this point they have gotten to pick their own style. Now they have to sing all styles, and most fail miserably.

I will also be commenting on Paula's mental status each week also, because that to adds to the entertainment value of the show, I am terrible.

Enjoy the Season, I know I will.

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