Friday, June 19, 2009

Question #2...really not as light.

Next question, 'Mommy, when are you going to have a baby in your tummy again?' The first few weeks post pregnancy loss, this was a tough question for me to answer without feeling overwhelmingly sad about the entire situation. Now it is a question that I don't even know the answer to. I simply answer, 'I am not sure Kendall, but maybe someday I will.' To which she will reply, 'Well like in 2 weeks?' I will say, 'No not two weeks, but I will let you know when it is there, ok?' This satisfies and pacifies her.

The last two times I had pregnancy losses that I was aware of I didn't have any children, so once I received the clearance from the doctor to start treatments or trying again, I pretty much followed doctors instructions.

First and foremost I will say, this is all my own experience and opinion, each person will obviously experience and do things differently. I am not a medical professional, although google might prove me otherwise.

The protocal is two to three cycles. I have one down. However this time, I am not so eager to jump on the baby making band wagon again. There is that hesitancy due to the chance of another threatened loss. I also had a D & E with this pregnancy which is really not a walk in the park. I originally thought well this is the best option. I will not have to wait for the miscarriage to happen, I can get the surgery and start to move on. Not so much.

It is a painful procedure, pretty much puts you out of commission for a week or so and then the effects linger for about two, and in my case, had my hormones just bottom out. The next day when I started going, my body immediately reacted with, 'hey, where did that baby go!?!?!' I have felt the onset of post partum before, after I had Kendall, and fought my way right out of it after a week or so, with some assistance, which I highly advocate, why not feel normal when you have a baby to take care of? Another subject, another time. So after this loss I started to feel my body react post partumly again, which I didn't recognize at first as that, until I asked google and my doctor if this was normal after an early pregnancy loss. They both assured me that this is true especially after a D & E or a D & C, when the loss isn't gradual the baby is extracted quickly, just like with the birth of a full term baby. Hormones are a crazy thing, especially mine, which I am sure you are finding out.

So I can assure all of you that are wondering if we will try again, and if that is to personal of a question to ask; that yes we are going try for more, and no it isn't too personal of a question. I mean really is there a question that I might deem 'too personal?' I think you know me well enough by now to know the answer to that one.

To answer Kendall's question as to when? Well I am not really that sure of when. I can tell you that when I decide there will be some doctors following me closely. I can tell you that I haven't healed emotionally from the last loss to get excited at the prospect of having another baby. I can tell you that inevitably it is really not our complete decision at all. And I can tell you that I am 100% ok with that.


Meggan said...

Helping kids deal with loss is so tough. Noah still occasionally comes up to me crying and I ask him what is wrong-"Remember the time you had a baby but it didn't make it? That makes me- so- sad-." Noah and Selah were much more affected than I was, I think. I dealt with it very internally-I didn't like to talk about it.

But, still, it is very sad. And I'm sad for you and hope you feel especially loved and supported right now. Prayers for healing, Melissa.

Leading Lady said...

I found your blog via the BlogFrog - you had left a note for me on my forum about Clomid. I will be praying for you and your family and that you will have another precious miracle soon. Your two kids are just adorable!