Question #2...really not as light.

Next question, 'Mommy, when are you going to have a baby in your tummy again?' The first few weeks post pregnancy loss, this was a tough question for me to answer without feeling overwhelmingly sad about the entire situation. Now it is a question that I don't even know the answer to. I simply answer, 'I am not sure Kendall, but maybe someday I will.' To which she will reply, 'Well like in 2 weeks?' I will say, 'No not two weeks, but I will let you know when it is there, ok?' This satisfies and pacifies her.

The last two times I had pregnancy losses that I was aware of I didn't have any children, so once I received the clearance from the doctor to start treatments or trying again, I pretty much followed doctors instructions.

First and foremost I will say, this is all my own experience and opinion, each person will obviously experience and do things differently. I am not a medical professional, although google might prove me otherwise.

The protocal is two to three cycles. I have one down. However this time, I am not so eager to jump on the baby making band wagon again. There is that hesitancy due to the chance of another threatened loss. I also had a D & E with this pregnancy which is really not a walk in the park. I originally thought well this is the best option. I will not have to wait for the miscarriage to happen, I can get the surgery and start to move on. Not so much.

It is a painful procedure, pretty much puts you out of commission for a week or so and then the effects linger for about two, and in my case, had my hormones just bottom out. The next day when I started going, my body immediately reacted with, 'hey, where did that baby go!?!?!' I have felt the onset of post partum before, after I had Kendall, and fought my way right out of it after a week or so, with some assistance, which I highly advocate, why not feel normal when you have a baby to take care of? Another subject, another time. So after this loss I started to feel my body react post partumly again, which I didn't recognize at first as that, until I asked google and my doctor if this was normal after an early pregnancy loss. They both assured me that this is true especially after a D & E or a D & C, when the loss isn't gradual the baby is extracted quickly, just like with the birth of a full term baby. Hormones are a crazy thing, especially mine, which I am sure you are finding out.

So I can assure all of you that are wondering if we will try again, and if that is to personal of a question to ask; that yes we are going try for more, and no it isn't too personal of a question. I mean really is there a question that I might deem 'too personal?' I think you know me well enough by now to know the answer to that one.

To answer Kendall's question as to when? Well I am not really that sure of when. I can tell you that when I decide there will be some doctors following me closely. I can tell you that I haven't healed emotionally from the last loss to get excited at the prospect of having another baby. I can tell you that inevitably it is really not our complete decision at all. And I can tell you that I am 100% ok with that.