Thursday, August 13, 2009

Mama's Boy

Oh the love and admiration my son bestows upon me is quite lovely at times. Due to that affection, the attachment he has with me is quite irritating sometimes. Am I a horrible mother for admitting this? I mean this kid wasn't even breast fed, why is that he feels this desire to be super glued to me? I will for certain remind him of this when he is 16 and hates my guts because I grounded him to his room for 10 days for letting a pig loose in the school cafeteria. I will say, 'hey you know what, there was a time you would have given your right eye to be near me, now suck it up kid.'

I don't know where I got this pig loose in the cafeteria idea, but for some reason Ethan strikes me as someone who will do this and not think twice about the consequences. Right now I envision him being the quintessential jock with no other purpose then to eat a lot of food, win the next game, and make his friends laugh. Kendall will be mortified. I am thinking now about sending them to separate schools since I envision her being the girl with her nose stuck in a book giving anything to ace the next exam and worrying about getting to ballet class on time. Although I hope they will both dabble in theater because the theatrics that go on in this house sometimes is just wasted talent if not put to use.

So my son. Oh my darling son. I do exaggerate a bit because well he will occasionally let me out of his sight for an extended period of time if any of his trusted comrades are there, like his father or my father as an example. If my Dad is around, I could actually board a rocket ship that was going to circle the earth for 3 months, and he wouldn't bat an eyelash. There is the rest of the select few he will entrust with his time, but this is on the occasional. Because sometimes, this doesn't even work.There are some tricks and these moments are usually redirected and calmed if there is a distraction, but if you don't know them, you are screwed. But above all else, this kid hates sunday school. I have no qualms about leaving him. But I find it quite unfair to all the other children in the room when he is screaming like the teacher is ripping him apart from limb to limb for the entire hour or so. No joke. This kid does not calm down. And I sometimes can here him from the sanctuary, over the music. I know it is him and I cringe. I don't necessarily feel sad for the kid. It's not like he is in a terrible predicament. He would love it there if he chose to look around. We are usually sought out to come and get him, and then since he has exhausted himself to the point of no return, he will fall asleep on top of me, still shaking in a convulsive manner to catch his breath, for the remainder of the service. He doesn't even care what the other kids think of him. He wants his mother, and you can go poop in a corner.

If you were to see Ethan in his own environment, you might never guess he has this desire to live inside my uterus. He is a social kid, a silly kid, a bossy kid. He can tolerate me going in and out of the house, paying attention to and caring for other children. In fact right now he is playing in his playroom and has been for an hour. That is because he knows I am around. But if I make a move to go somewhere without him, or if I sneak away and he goes to do his Mommy status check and it registers that I am not around, forget about it, then you would see the disorder. I do go, don't get me wrong. This kid isn't going to be the conductor, but that still does not stop him from showing some pretty awesome fits from what I hear. I have seen and heard of worse forms of attachment with other children and their mothers, that does nothing to console me.

I am certain that someday I will long for him to just want to give me the time of day that he does now. I know there will be those, remember whens. He loves me that much right now. That much that when asked who is best friend is, it is me. When in a room, even with his Pop in it also, he will seek me out to cuddle with. It is endearing. He enamors me, wants to be like me, oh how wonderful...I repeat this over and over again some days.

Here is a recent example of just how much he enamors me, if the convulsions from leaving him in sunday school did not get you.

One night I was getting ready for bed and walking around in just my bra and some shorts. The kids were in our room and Kendall turns and asks, 'When I get bigger will I have boobies like you Mommy?' Ok, so she is fascinated with all things that pertain to getting 'bigger,' and you know when you think about it, it is quite odd, the whole from nothing to something in the chest area if you don't know how or why that happens. So I just say, 'yes Kendall, when you are bigger you will.' Ethan then says, 'I have boobies when I get bigger too.' I quickly interject into this learning moment of what makes him a boy and her a girl and say, 'No Ethan, you are a boy, boys don't have boobies.' I don't go into the whole man boobs explanation, that would only confuse them beyond belief, and let's just hope that in the next few years they don't see someone with man boobs and blurt out, 'See Mommy, he's a boy and he has boobies!' Back to the story at hand, Ethan begins to cry. But it is not that whiny cry, it is a cry that his heart is just breaking. I ask him what is wrong, and he cries out, 'I want boobies like Mommy too!' I try to console him, that no, boys don't have boobies, and you are a boy, but that is ok. His heart breaking cry continues. I am at a loss. I don't even get into it any further, I just hug him and let him cry it out. A realization that there is a connection lost between us because he can't have boobies was obviously a difficult moment for him. I mean what do you say?

I am my future daughter in law's worst nightmare.

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