Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Sleepless in Pennsylvania

You may know this you may not, every other Saturday I work a 16 hour shift. What? What is that all about? Yes, 7am to 11 pm, unless you are in the medical arena yourself you are thinking that I have gone crazy. If you are in the medical arena you are thinking, that's nothing try working the double 3pm to 7am. Killer. On the same weekend I then work Sunday 3pm to 11 pm, and then top it off with working every Monday 3pm to 11pm. So it's roughly 40 hours a pay period. A nice part time job. The reason I work the double is so that I am home for one more day out of the week. If I do two shifts in one day, then I am only gone that one day? Following? I could tell you tons about my job and make you laugh from here to bedtime, but then I am breaking privacy laws and who wants that? I will tell you this, that the movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, in which he is aging backwards, your senior years will be much like this, but your appearance will not change like Brad Pitt's did. It seems as though when we hit, I don't know 80 or so, our brain starts to go backwards again. Do you want to know how many arguments I break up between 90 year old women because one of them used the other one's fork by mistake? It is much like my home on a daily basis. I am well equipped for this position.

So in order for me to survive these shifts and come out of it a normally functioning person who can form complete sentences, I need to sleep soundly. I am on my feet all of those hours, going up and down hallways, meeting needs and so on, so it is physically exhausting. On top of that, it is mentally exhausting. Elderly people are unfortunately prone to be lonely people and I get to hear everything from the size of their poop, to how much money they won at Bingo, their latest ailments, and how sick and tired they are of Depends. I would be too. You see what I mean about regression?

So on a typical night, I would arrive home at midnight, lift the children into bed, because Andy likes them all to be together and snuggle to fall asleep when I am working, and then I read to fall asleep. However on this past Saturday night, the evidence of a coming sleepless night is surrounding them, like weapons in crime, it is easily solved. Andy had come home from a golf outing on friday with some cases of a sports beverage that I will leave unnamed. There is two of them empty on the bedside table, one includes the word, 'energy', in the title, the liquid that was in there is red in color. Another is your basic sports beverage, which at one point contained orange liquid. I empty sippy cups which one has a bit of the the red liquid in, one has the orange.

It's a simple equation. 50/50. One of these children consumed the red beverage, the energy beverage. I am not even going to point out who may or may not have given the children these beverages, it could have been a sports beverage fairy. All I know is that I skip the reading for that night. Already knowing what is going to come, and you know it too.

The clock read, 1:52 am.

'Mommy!, Mommy!?!?!'
I enter the child's room.
'Yes Ethan, it's sleepy time, time to go back to sleep.'
'I thirsty Mommy.'
'Ok, come in my room, Mommy will get you water.'
First mistake. Well actually not, at this point we are going on three or four, counting the distribution of the beverage.
I give him the cup of water, lie him in the middle of us, he finishes, I hand him his blankie. I am out.

2:23 am
'Mommy, I want to watch Wiggles.'
'No, E, it is sleepy time, and the Wiggles are sleeping too.'
And I hear it coming, the sniffles, the mouth opening and closing, then the wail.
'No, E, now lie down.'
Crying lasts about 5 minutes.
I am out.

2:43 am
'Mommy, I have snack?'
'No, E, it is sleepy time, no snack, when you get up we will have breakfast.'
Again, sniffles, this time fists clenching, then the wail.
'No, E, now lie down and go to sleep, you are going to wake up Kendall.'
Crying again, about 7 to 10 minutes.

3:04 am
'Mommy, I watch Wonder Pets?'
You know where this is going.
'No E, it is sleepy time, the Wonder Pets are sleeping, now lie down.'
No sniffles this time, it's an all out scream,
'No, E, go to sleep!'
Crying 5 to 10 minutes.
I am out.

I wake up at 3:30 am to pee, he is out. Praise Jesus.

7:15 am. Wake up call for E.
I can smell the coffee.
Andy comes up with a cup for me and then asks E if he wants to go play trucks.
Wait? I look at him. I don't even say a word, it might ruin the moment. I sip the coffee and am back to sleep.

9:30 am
Second wake up.
I hear children coming up the stairs.
Two children.
Wait? That means Kendall got up at some point and went downstairs too. Could this be happening?!!?!

I slept in. The love for my husband surged forth, he had just given me the equivalent of flowers and a night out, and a strawberry margarita.

He is on a roll lately, huh?

I ask Andy at breakfast what those drinks were that he had come home with.
'Oh they were from the golf outing.'
'Kendall and I didn't like the red, we liked the orange, but E liked it.'
'Really? I never would have known.'

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ok I have to defend myself becasue I am not some clueless parent. They WERE NOT and I repeat WERE NOT energy drinks. It was flavored water!